i don't want to be a mother.
I put this weight down because it's too heavy to carry
I don't want to be a mother.
There.
I said it.
I wanted children when I was a child.
Before I learned what having a child really means.
Then I wanted children because I was conditioned
to think that I had to want them.
I still want children...
To be around me, little nieces and nephews
But I don't want to be the mother of anybody.
"You're in the age."
"You're running out of time."
"How selfish of you!"
People keep shouting at me, but I can't even start
to explain them why I feel this way.
They don't care about my reasons but to butt into my life.
I parented myself, my sisters and my cousins,
I even parented my own mother since I was 5.
I was more of a mother to my boyfriends than their own
But never the mother of my unborn.
I got tired of parenting everyone before I even got the chance
to become a real mom.
I'm scared of the alien living inside me,
I'm scared of the pain of pushing a baby out of my vagina,
and I'm scared that my child will hate me when they hit puberty
with the same passion I used to hate everything.
I'm scared of what my child might become
in this world what will await for them
where children are groomed to become confused adults
glued to a screen that prevents them from discovering
their real selves and the true world around them.
I'm scared to curse them my inheritance - kidney disease & Celiac's.
But maybe I'm just scared of what I might become
with a baby hanging on my nipples, demanding every piece of me.
That I'd have to give up my life the way it is,
the life I went through hell for and almost didn't make it back.
But I did and I'm here now
and all I know is that this life isn't suitable for a child
and I don't want to be the mother of anyone anymore.
I don't want people to dig in my life, asking why?
Making excuses for me as it could change my mind,
trying to convince me how much it was worth for them the sleepless nights
while really just pouring their complaints on me about how
hard it was to raise their child.
"You're going to regret it when you're old and there's no one to take care of you."
They keep saying, like they could read my palm.
But I don't believe them.
I learned to live with my choices, and trust me
I made many of the wrong type
but at least I didn't ruin anyone's life
and gave them issues enough for a life-long therapy
by giving them life because someone else told me so
when I didn't have the capacity to provide them with the life
they deserve and to love them right.
About the Creator
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Comments (46)
Congratulations on this win. I fully understand why you won. This piece is so deeply, deeply personal. I don't know how anyone could read this and not feel the emotions you so honestly evoke. But you also control the pace of the writing in a way that moves the reader along at an intense pace. So good!
Happy belated congrats, Imola! Well deserved!!!
You read and commented on my poem so I wanted to reciprocate. How glad I am that I did. I chose to read your winning poem and have to say ‘Congratulations!’ What a wonderful, honest poem and although it’s a shame you had to write it, I’m glad you did. 🥰
Oh how I relate to this. Wow, I did not want to be a mom when I was younger, but then there where splits in time where I felt compelled to. My ex so badly wanted kids with me, it felt wrong to be with someone who wanted them so badly when I felt it would ruin me. I tried for awhile to want them, but it always circled around to a no. Simple, and plain, no. Congratulations on winning this challenge, well deserved with the emotion and raw truth in this poem.
Having children is no trivial task and to accept your own decision is very important. Why people judge the reality that a person does not want or have a child is truly none of their business... Your work is a testament to clear thinking and meeting the challenge!
This is such a perfect fit for the prompt, and you’ve crafted it masterfully. Congrats on this very well deserved win!
Incredible Unique
People have no right to question or judge! Congrats!
Great poetry! Congratulations on the win!!🎉🎉🎉
I've heard so many of those same reasons from people who just don't get that having a child is a choice, not an obligation. If the world needs more children, then those judging should start having more. But wait, they're usually the ones who can't even take care of their own. Excellent job!
I really respect the honesty of this. There is this idea that there is something wrong with you if you don't want to be a mother. It is, if you want to be good at it, an incredibly demanding undertaking and what does that even mean? Being a good mother? I'm buggered if I know. I'm still finding out and will be for the rest of my life. I'm happy to do that - I wouldn't be without my boys - but I have moments where I wonder what my life would be like if I was just me. Congratulations on your win and for being firm in your knowledge of yourself.
This was raw and heartfelt. Congrats on your win.
Honest and worthy of the win. 🌺💙
love this, clearly a well deserved win
What a well-deserved win! Congratulations!
Congratulations on your win and incredibly powerful piece, Imola! 😁
This is pure honesty set to poetic meter and is powerful. What levels of WOW! So joyous for your win Imola! Woohoooo and well done! 🎉👏🏾🎉
Excellent 👍😊
This is powerful . Loved it ! Congratulations 🎊
Wooohooooo congratulations on your win! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Thank you for writing this ❤️
Congratulations on a well deserved win! Such a difficult thing to voice and you did so eloquently and unapologetically. Also, I must say Betty White nearly made it to 100 and never regretted not having children. A fun fact you might want to use the next time someone nosy butts into your life.
Congratulations! It is a solid poem!
back to say congrats on the win
Congrats!! Well done!