I don’t like Valentine’s Day

I don’t like Valentine’s Day.

It’s too late,

My

Clock is ticking.

I don’t want gifts, I don’t want them

Keep them wrapped up in the store.

Love is not on the shelves

It’s only plastic and roses

That will die.

It’s the thought that counts, you say,

And I know it’s true

But I still do not want a stuffed toy,

A stuffed feeling

I hold deep down and can’t push up,

Because if it does, it is an inconvenience

And it causes a stupid distraction.

I don’t like Valentine’s Day.

Why? You ask me.

Don’t you want to feel good?

Don’t you want to be happy?

Don’t you want to feel better?

No. I want to feel what I feel

And it’s a strong, dark, painful

Saccharine feeling

Hanging in the air above me

Like smoke.

I’ll check the time and calendar,

Wait for the day before and after

That Saint Valentine’s Day massacre is over

And I will definitely be back on the clock

Ticking away.

I don’t want to feel Valentine’s Day,

I don’t appreciate the condescending tone

That all those red balloon hearts

and cheap candies flaunt over my hanging green eyes, like a zombie

I buy and buy and buy

They buy and buy and buy

You buy and buy and buy

But then after, I hear

How I’m

Worthless/toodumb/toobroke/sarcastic

And how nothing I do is

Really ever good enough to keep or respect

Like a diamond necklace or a card that says I’m the best

(Daughter, mother, sister, friend, wife, girlfriend)

Because my heart is not ticking

With that clock

The time is good for so much more,

My time is good for——

Good for my children,

Good for anyone,

Everyone,

But

Not

For you.

Not you, Valentine’s Day.

Not you.