I Died Today

I died today

My flesh still lives

But I am gone

****

The turmoil

The angst

All roiling inside

It drowned me

Numbed me

Poisoned me

Until I fully died.

****

My tears are gone.

My eyes are clear.

But there is nothing to look forward to

And the past is no longer in view.

It all died with me.

****

I can function now without pain.

Without any feeling at all.

I am safe in the dark, deep down inside myself.

I am alone.

There is no one there for me to scramble to impress

Or to try to make love me.

The fear of abandonment is no longer a threat.

I cannot be abandoned or despised

Because there is no one there but me.

****

I neither love nor hate myself.

I just am. I exist and that is all.

I can think of anything or nothing.

There is no pressure here.

And no pain. But, no pleasure.

I am in limbo. I don't care anymore.

There is nothing to care about.

There is no one to care about.

There is no one to care about me.

I am nothing floating in nothingness.

****

I am in limbo.

A time and space outside the norm.

It is a place between life and death.

Life is over.

Existing until death is all that is left.

****

I was born. I lived. I have died.

And now I wait for my animated body to function until it moves no more..

Then back to dust in final rest.

I will have cycled from unborn, to born, and back to unborn.

****

I will not return again.

There is no point.

I failed.

I will fail again.

It is done.

It cannot be undone.