I am.

Today, I am Black.

.

I contribute to a society that imprisons us,

devalues us,

hates us.

It’s amazing how visceral human emotion can be;

a manifestation of a desire for good

and a desire for destruction.

The perfect storm.

And in spite of my best effort evil remains triumphant,

laughing in my face;

me,

a grown man,

made to look weak,

my ego whispering sweet nothings to me

working in tandem with this demon.

.

Today, I am White.

.

White with fear,

as I watch my kin being discarded

like a faulty appliance,

like a plastic bottle

destined to decompose slowly,

all the while remembering what used to be.

Fear is like a vampire

sucking the hope out of my dreams

feasting on my insecurities and my shortcomings,

leaving me but a husk-less shell of my former self.

Now, I am just “white.”

.

No, now I am Green.

.

Green like the Earth

But filled with deceit and envy.

I want what I don’t have,

need what I can’t have

and admire everything that they have.

In what reality is forgiveness earned

when summoned by greed?

How can we accept so much of this?

This is my least favorite version of myself.

“Mr. Green,” the “Mean Green,”

coming for your hopes and dreams

so that mine can flourish

at your expense.

.

Today, I am Red.

.

With rage, I seek vengeance for my soul.

Look what you have done,

What you have created!

My destiny is to embody these horrible truths.

Now I look around me and see nothing but red

A potent, scarlet red

Illuminating my thoughts, actions, experiences,

An all-encompassing,

relentless,

viscous,

unbearable,

red.

And yet, isn’t this the nature of our kind,

walking around with blood in our veins that is as red as our minds?

Maybe we are what we are;

parasites, predators, the true scum of the Earth.

This green, green Earth.

.

I guess if I want to find peace

I am the real lunatic.

It’s funny how that works,

realizing that your idea of the world is false.

It leaves a taste in your mouth that never quite dissipates.

Maybe the true meaning of life is but four colors;

not an equation or an algorithm,

not a higher purpose,

not even existing for the sake of existence.

Just four distinct colors.

.

I am Black.

I am White.

I am Green.

I am Red.

.

Today, I am.

.

But what will I be tomorrow?