I Am Who I Am

To forgive or not to forgive - that is the inquiry

When God asks you to repent, yet you feel that he is not, of guilt, free

There used to be no happiness greater then when I sang his praises with my mother, father, and brother

Sitting in the pews and looking up to the rafters

Where I imagined, smiling down at me, my heavenly father

I knelt in the bathroom and wept at his feet

Marveled at his mercy

His glorious feats

Poured out my questions, confessions, transgressions

Felt his wings around me as he absolved me of my burdens

And showed me such brightness

Such hope, such kindness

Now I see a hypocrite who preaches love, acceptance, and salvation

Then, in the same breath, orders his people to stone a man if he lies with a man

As he lies with a woman

He made them that way, but according to his word, they are a sin, an abomination.

The people I miss every day, wait for me in heaven

If I leave this haven

Will I ever see them again?

If I married another girl, would he still consider me one of his children?

When the rapture comes, will he take me in

Or when I run to him, will he close the gates of Eden?

Intolerance mixed with internalization

A cocktail for self-crucifixion.

Washed down with biblical blackmail.

This text should bring me comfort, yet I cannot help but feel

That he causes this pain for cruel amusement like a movie reel

His sword is shining, but only because of the blood glistening on the steel

Scratching away my sin with scissors through my tears.

The verses said it themselves; there is no light for me.

Only the gnashing of teeth, the darkness, and eternal fear.

Has he forgotten that we are a part of his earth?

That we still look to him for warmth, but only find a bleak winter instead of a hearth?

Why is it that we have to wipe the chalk off our slates, but they get to leave theirs white as snow?

How should I know?

Does he even grieve for every tormented soul who does not believe

That he goes on to burn instead of relieve?

One night, I sat in a dimly lit restaurant with my sisters

I told them about my orientation and braced for condemnation

Instead, they met me with compassion

They did not wish to fix me

“After all, we are all sinners, his fallen creations”

“You are our family”

I rose from religion.

Now the rainbow that he put in the sky when he promised he would not flood this place again shields me.

They say we stole it, but they never owned it.

Whether you are a king

A queen

Anyone in between

Do not let them under your skin if they say you are an anomaly

They may call you disgusting, but their hatred is what is truly ugly

They are color blind, that is why they cannot see your beauty

If it does not match your identity

Then you can change your body

Do whatever makes you happy

As long as you do not hurt anybody

You have no reason to be sorry.

No matter what they taught you, they are the ones who owe you an apology.

They say pride comes before a fall.

If I have come this far, I have a right to be proud.

If the Lord can say, “I Am Who I Am,” then I will shout it just as loud.

Even though the Word insists otherwise, we are perfect.

That is my final verdict.