I Am Not Needed

They push,

push,

PUSH me away.

Me, the person who is always there for everyone,

Keeping on top of things

Things that they forget

Things they are ignorant about.

What do you need?

I got you.

Heck, I don't even have to ask you

I just know what you need.

But lately,

No....

I am not needed anymore.

I am told that they will handle it themselves.

I am told that I am not doing them a favour.

I am told that I am rude.

And make them feel useless.

Okay then...

I'll let go,

But...

Do I know how to?

Do I know how to deal with being pushed away?

Is my worth pegged to what I do for others?

Now that they don't need me...

Do. I. Need. Me?

Who am I?

I struggle with these intrusive thoughts

So many say...

"Stop playing the victim!"

But why am I made to feel bad for

1. Being pushed away

2. Not knowing where to go

I walk away. I storm off.

Only to go nowhere.

I try to find myself.

In little moments.

In crafting. In making things. In reading.

And then what?

What happens when the calm finishes?

When the storm rages in?

Where do I go for shelter?

Where do I start a new life?

Who am I even to ask, to answer, to know?

Argh!

38 years down the road...

After servicing others,

I now find myself,

Not needed,

But also not wanting or knowing how to stop.

I'm like a passenger in my own car

Having been moved from the driver's seat

Only to look at the wheel,

And realise...

Nobody's behind it.

Crash.