I Already Have Writer’s Block

Life is funny in that when we start something, we have all this full-force motivation, but once it comes time to do the work, we release our reigns and want to give in. I will not, however, be a victim to this! Procrastinating, probably, but giving up? Not just yet. Day 3 would be too early to call it. 

I also still haven’t found what I’m looking for in doing this. Maybe it’s putting myself out there. Maybe it’s finding my voice, or maybe it’s finding you and feeling like maybe we’re both not so alone in our big, overwhelming feelings about, frankly, everything. To feel so deeply, to empathize with others truthfully, to want to do and explore so much that it feels like you’ll never have enough time to do it all. It could be to just build consistency, as I’m an artist who likes to recluse and hobbit for extended periods. Since it’s one of those things only time will reveal, I know that showing up, digging up whatever word slosh decided to come up that I package as neatly as possible, and hitting the “publish” button. 

It’s become procedural: I fire up my tablet, open vocal, and type away after staring at the screen for 2-5 mins. I embarrassingly choose a title that I rewrite. Twice, and then after all that, I edit quickly and rushed because if I stare at my work too long, I erase the whole thing. 

I guess mainly, I’m trying to let go of this need to make my art perfectly. Feeling like I need better tools, or more time, or something else that will prevent me from doing the work now. To let go of this hangup about people liking or enjoying what I do. Maybe it’s not meant to be enjoyed; it’s meant to be appreciated and conversation-invoking, not fluff that is meant to be quickly digested. I think ultimately that’s my goal in this: to no matter what the circumstances are or what the outcome may or may not be, you just show up and do the damn work. 

Regards,

Maria