Humming Bird

It’s a color for Christmas and Celebration. Ruby red,the provocative nuance of the humming bird’s mating dance. Red, it runs through my veins camouflaged as blue. The life force that finds its true pigment when oxygen prevails. Red, often the color of my blazer or accessories to appear attractive and confident in a job interview I have no business attending. Red, decorating my life as the Chinese New Year. A representation of both good and bad luck. My feelings betray me as my cheeks are often embellished every time I’m angry, embarrassed, aroused or happy. It is both the color of joy and pain. It paints my cheeks after every sweet moment of growth expressed with my cousin-sister-daughter. Yes, you read that right. She is both joy, pain and a life force. Being the mother she neither wanted nor asked for. Cardinal,the dignitary of my confidence on the first day at the job I feel I’m not qualified for. Scarlett, step right up! There’s a circus to see here! . Let me be clear, love. I neither asked for nor wanted this duplicitous nature of mine but this addiction, it flows through my veins camouflaged as blue. I am both sad and joyful. A cousin and a mother. Free and ensnared. Blessed and cursed. Blue or Ruby Red?