How To Lose Yourself

I am only now learning how to come back,

join the world of the living—

the one you claim you need to escape.

I can help you.

Only if you’re sure.

The results can be…

Permanent.

Fatal.

You must be sure.

I warn you it is cold there,

vast and claustrophobic, both.

If you are sure…

Conjure up your worst memory,

the one that scares you the most.

Do you have it?

Good.

Feel how your heart races, your palms sweat.

even though your body is here—

safe on my couch—

feel how your energy rushes into the past.

Entropy at work.

Stay in the memory as long as you can,

as often as you can.

Use your five senses to explore the memory,

you won’t need them in the present.

You might find you are filled with a desire to numb,

numb more;

a craving for something to pull you under.

If you are sure you want to vanish,

listen to that pull.

I, myself, don’t keep the stuff around anymore.

I can’t.

I wanted to come back.

Not everyone comes back.

Be careful of this point of no return.

People will draw away from you.

We are energetic creatures,

drawn towards the promise of connection.

If all your energy is flowing into the past,

there will be nothing drawing them to you,

You will vanish from their field of view.

Which only leaves…you.

You must disappear from yourself.

Abandon everything that you…

Love.

Know.

Want.

Give it all to the memory and the wine.

If you do this enough,

one day you will wake up,

walk past a mirror,

and you will not be in the reflection.

Everything that made you, you,

will be…

erased.

Now that I have helped you,

I must ask you to leave my house before the vanishing begins.

You see,

I am trying to come back,

Disappearing is messy work,

and I just vacuumed my carpet.