How To Fit Into A World Where You Don't Belong.

To Fit into a world you don't belong to.

Sometimes I feel lost in a loop.

The world spins around me and I purely exist.

Is that a place of priviledge?

Being misplaced into society: in pure existence.

Not existing but rather dissipating.

Unable to leave the environment that you are in.

The environment you've created.

How to stay sane. How to not fight the urge to lose

the battle. Letting it slip through the cracks.

It's hard to imagine a world that was. When we are so distant from

it. Not wanting to return to normality, not understanding,

the current reality.

Nothing is really different, except this shift within myself.

Who am I. Who is the I that is me?

Is this a result of overanalyzing. The world has been turned

upside down, or is it just the right way up.

Like Alice in Wonderland. The journey has just begun.

Everything is exactly where it's supposed to be, how it's supposed to be.

Essentially we have no control or say in how this operates.

Our job is to wake up, breathe, go through the motion and return to

a slumber if you're lucky enough.

How to contribute to society? How to prevent falling into complete withdrawal.

Wake up, keep active, do things, don't question, or you're slip. Don't slip. Careful.

Why are you here? Why are we here? What are you doing? Why are you doing it?

What does it all mean? Where am I? Who am I? What is I? What even is this? Start again.

Drink a coffee. What do you like? What is like? Why. . .

What does it all mean and why?

How come some people repeat this motion and others do not. Why is it that some question nothing, while others question all. Is being lucky a thing? Do you have to train yourself to not think about things? Does that cause happiness? What is happiness?

What do you want to contribute to the world? These vibes, or happy vibes? What are happy vibes?

Are they fake? Is happiness a façade? I don't feel it? What is it? I don't understand it? I feel love, I think, I'm not a serial killer or a psychopath. I feel things at times. How is that some are able to feel a permanent state of happiness; whatever that means; and others are not? What is that about?

Why are there people born into a family that destroys their soul and others into a privileged family; what is a privileged family.

Is anyone actually truly happy; or are people just doing things? To avoid thinking? I don't get it.

What does it mean to be you? What do you bring to the world? Do you have to bring anything to the world?

Is questioning everything good or is it bad? Does it help; knowing you're not alone?

When all you want to do is contribute happiness to the world but coming to the realisation that 90% of the world is selfish. It's hard to pretend you don't see how selfish people are. This is where my depression stems from; the inability to master the skill 'to pretend' that people are not selfish; understanding that the majority will not give back. That life is a one way street and you're walking it alone. Even if you're surrounded by a crowd.

Everything is temporary; and can change within a second.

I feel safety in knowing I got myself. Essentially that's all you need...The rest is; just existence. Find what you love: Music, Art, whatever it may be, and evaporate into existence. Understanding the universe: is all and nothing. That this life: is all and nothing. Knowledge in understanding that you don't need to understand. Just being is enough.