How's It Going?

“How’s it going out there?”

“It’s great, I’m doing just fine.”

Suppressing the pressure within my head,

Must be why I have headaches all the time, so

When I get home, and the lights are low

Everyone’s asleep, so then I…

I cry tears that nobody will see

Shadow box the pillows so no one hears the fight,

Muffle my screams, so the neighbors don't pry...then

Wake up and be the hero they say I am...

Then tomorrow night,

Releasing the traumatic memories,

The dead,

The beat,

The lost,

The mad,

The sad,

The rich,

The poor,

Of every color

Behind every door,

Or maybe on their porch,

Or in a ditch,

Or in a road,

With their family,

Or sometimes alone,

Is it an ambush?

Is it paranoia?

Hypervigilance is the only alliance

What’s in my head you ask?

A mangled mess of trauma and resilience,

Pushing the limits of normality while in a crises

Desensitized to respond to your nightmares,

While you see my life like a wonderful dream.

“How’s it going?”

Acting like I’m not scared,

But really, I am terrified

“It’s going fine.”