How Do I Exorcise You

How do i exorcize you out of me

do i scream at you while facing the ocean

do I disgust myself

do i disappoint myself

do i tell you about your disrespect

do i love you

do i hate you

do i keep you around out of ego

out of stubbornness

out of holding on for too long

out of loving myself

out of leaving

out of ideals

out of losing ideals

.

I asked you twice to make me lose my morals

you thought it was hot but you didn’t

i wanted to give you power

Thank our questioned God that you refused me

I am only unlucky enough to be disrespected by your own whims and follies

.

shared rage is a love language

and i will murder you in mine

.

I will tempt you because I want to end you

i want you to regret me

i want you to want me

i want you to make the right choice and regret it

i want you to grab me so i can refuse

i want to laugh at the thought of you thinking of me

.

I want to be cruel

i want to make you regret my love

i want to make you regret loving me

don’t do this to me

i beg you to forget me

my body

to trick your body and mind into finding me disgusting

retch at the thought of pulling me by the waist

of having had the ability and full permission to grab me

of me wanting to send you things others would pay and plead to see

of giving myself freely to you

.

maybe i do want to murder you

only so i can give into you first