Horror poem: endorphins!

I see you and my heart lurches,

I can hardly breath!

Adrenaline!

My nerves tingle and my blood is on a race through my body:

full blood, hot blood

Dopamine!

I feel a twitch in my groin, it can’t be helped

This is just a biological response,

it’s not my choice

Our bodies are machines, made of flesh and bone

And mine is so well tuned, under control

I hear you speak and I nearly swoon

Endorphins!

My knees go weak and I tremble so hard

Your voice is a drug and I am salivating like a dog

I wish things were different but I can’t fight this feeling

Anymore

Serotonin!

A rush of happiness, ecstasy when I think of you

You ask me how I feel

I say: fuck you!

I buck against my restraints and you laugh.

God!

Your laugh!

It grates my ears and leaves raw wounds in my soul— but doesn’t it turn me on?

It does

It really does

And I hate it

I begin to cry, but then you touch my arm

Oxytocin!

A quiver runs across my skin, every hair, every muscle, is fully charged

I am electricity

Rage and pleasure and learned helplessness

And attachment

Addiction

I look at the tubes dangling from my arm, and see they are dry

The payload fully delivered

My body a machine, very finely tuned

Oiled through IVs that pump me full of moods

You open the door

You say I’m free to go

But I can’t leave!

I… love you

You make me feel good

You make me happy

I beg you to let me stay

Keep me!

This is just a biological response.

It’s not my choice