Home

I never knew what home was

I lived in fear, out of boxes and bags

Always moving from place to place

Never settling

I was searching for home

In rooms rented by the week

In the basements of other people’s lives

They live and love above me

While I try to imitate a feeling I don’t understand

I never knew what home was

If home was the warmth of a mother’s embrace

All I knew was cold

I hurt myself searching for heat

Burning myself on false love

I was looking for home

In the quick ups and slow downs

Of powders and pills and bottles

I was looking for home in people

In their wet mouths and rough hands

In their empty, hollow words

I was looking for home in the street

Hidden under cardboard

Buried inside change cups

I searched in Starbucks bathroom stalls

Loud voices demanded I search elsewhere

On the other side of the passcode door

I searched in motel rooms

In gang signs and handshakes

At the other end of jail phone calls

I searched for home in my job

Nonslip shoes and overtime

Each tip getting me one step closer

Until

I found home in a test

Two pink lines and a promise

That home would be the safety of my arms

I found home in a partner

Who loves me for me

No matter my flaws

I found home in a title

Mother, wife

Child of God

I found home