Holding on for Dear Life

I find myself clutching my abdomen

when I am in pain.

Not pain you can see,

Not physical pain,

But a pain inside that even I can't express.

What am I holding onto?

An empty womb?

A biological ticking clock?

People ask me,

“When are we going to get good news?”

Good news not being a successful project

Or some new furniture.

Good news as in when am I going to be bearing a child...

Like it’s the only thing that matters.

My husband and I,

we have other things to do.

Other people to care for.

We are not ready yet

to put this first.

Not ready to be parents.

But sometimes,

I worry.

If we keep waiting,

will I feel empty forever?

How do I fill this space inside?

They say every woman's greatest gift

Is to be a mother.

But...

I feel a lot like a woman

With work, with love, with small joys...

But still, a question stays.

I have to keep reminding myself...

I am more than this.

I try to be patient...

waiting to find peace

with what is,

and what might come.

So "let's see", I answer those who ask.