Hidden Under the Pew

Hidden under the pew, I won’t kneel

“Gods all forsaken,” says the pain in my neck

It throbs and whines and curses at pirates

False birds whispering wise wisps on throbbing shoulders

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They carry what others can’t and throw away what others clutch to move, to move

Onward, forward, lighten the load

Don’t look inside the suitcase, just unzip and unload

Throw out a few, long for what’s left behind

But find the beloved stitch of that sweater burnt in the abyss of time

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The things I’ve carried are not much, but few

Compared to the great wide, wide open and all the Gods in lieu

They spit up rhymes of rights: righteous and gold

But the stars above shine brighter so that’s where my eyes go

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Always looking up, seeing something moving, something new

Wishing on anything that moves in hopes it hears you

Oh, but I’m just a poor sinner, and sometimes sin just because

Am I truly forsaken or just not tuning in to the right cause?

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Free plants to open appeared behind the door

I opened it and it smelled earthly

I picked them and split them apart

And should I split my lips for it too; open my heart for more?

Am I scared of the trip or the hard work or maybe not liking the answers I get?

But wither thou, it matters not, because I can’t even fathom the questions to lie

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I see myself in nine lives and do not like this one but I chose

And I need to live it, I know I do- my rainbows almost outbowed

I need to focus on the now, stability and core

Do the right thing, have courage, be daddy’s perfect little girl

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In my nightmares, my teeth fall out one by one

My mouth is sewn shut and my legs wobble fro

The virus numbed my taste and smell: I’m losing control

I wake up in a school and the big test is today

I didn’t study, I’m so confused and my sweater begins to fray

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I need to pick the life I want and see it and believe

I’m going nowhere fast if I keep doing the same thing