here is a room

it’s almost too cold tonight

and I am already overcome with the need

to exhaust myself of the world

I am planning to excavate

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tonight I will cut open

everywhere winter hurts and salt

it with language

full of love this poem carries

love or fear I am planning to excavate

the reasons I love

I am alive & how was I supposed to know

that there isn’t a better reason

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the point all along was to drown not to fall

into the curiosities of others

and that love expands like a secret

told for the first time

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here is a room I walk into

full of people who have lost meaning

-full places to hold me

drunk enough to believe nothing

will change them

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here is a room full of people

hanging around the kitchen table

with not enough chairs

but furnished sumptuously with

stories they spill to each other

to hold each another in time and rain

doesn’t need to be understood after all

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here every time they call out my name

I see its echo hardening into a

ghost of a boy in every corner

one for each year I have been away

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‎here in this room there’s seven

of us now & isn’t this what I always wanted

despite being obsessed with my own vanishing

to be wanted

whole & isn’t this what I always wanted

to keep tripping over this wiretap

for this poem to have no punch

line no end in sight

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