Hello & Goodbye!

~ Hello & Good-bye ~

Whether it was hello

or whether it was good-bye,

That kiss wanted to happen

tell me I lie,

When I think it over

I can't stand

what was lost,

a truth established

between us, no fights

I would have been released

from the dreams,

I could have lived

in the world again;

because I would have

my sanity,

too young to think it over

No- one to listen

the night I was raped of that life,

when your cousin forced me

to have sex,

trying to get me pregnant

so he could win the fight

"YOU" won't win the girl"

He said,

as I was held against the bed,

I'm trying to do the right thing

that's why I had to let you know

Hold on to what you've got

I want you to be happy,

with what you have

It's not your fault I'm sad

I don't want to feel that kiss

I don't want to `miss'

what I already know

that's how the story goes

tell me I lie,

as I cry and say

Good-bye,

The feelings were real

I played by your rules

I could only be with one of you,

I lost alot that night

`The rest of my life'

I can't be with anybody now

I have to fight first to get well,

Seeking out my therapy

so I can learn to live again

with the years I have left,

when once again I know I'm sane,

after finally understanding

who’s to blame,

the game played

was at my expense

I deserve better

and that's what I'll get

that's what I have to 'learn'

how to feel

to be happy in a way

that belongs to me,

to know what healthy feels like

before I die,

It's not easy

as I fight not to use

I'm not sorry for loving you

I'm sorry for wanting that

I'm sorry for coming back,

I can't change what made me crumble.

I'm trying to back off

shut down the disturbing thoughts,

I'm trying to let go of the hope

I know it's the right thing to do,

We’re different people now

It's so agonizing

as the tears stream down my face

having to accept,

that we live in different dimensions,

I'm me and that's who I should

want to be,

So that's what I'm working on,

I'm not ordinary

and I never will be

You don't know me,

and you're not supposed too

at least not anymore,

My mind went to pieces

my body was broken

and I've lived out

the wrong sentence,

but in what I've now done

I know I've finally won,

the justice that I need

in telling the truth

and letting you know

forgiveness,

is in the understanding!