Hell’s street signs

The days we laugh together,

Are the days of heavens delight

We plummet down to earth

When you want to start a fight

Staring into the ocean moving eyes

You leave my heart to skip

Then you’ll take a swing at me

So I must be quick

Bleeding & left utterly defenseless

Waiting for one loving kiss

A last minute option barely remembered

And never have been missed

Invisible to the parade of heels

That pass you by, & I’m confused

You said I was a favorite

I ask for so little and always lose

Giving everything I have just to sit

At a table all else are invited to be

Chaos consumes you from within

To without, I watch patiently

But my patience is thinner than fabric

Lesser than unseen molecules

I’m expected to understand & forgive

But those expectations don’t apply to you

Only I, get the rules

Relentless and carefree, hurting me is easy

You are a natural at it, life must be good for you

When you never have to question my loyalty

The way I always have about you

From all the nasty things you do

Tell me I’m less than the others

Tell me when I’m happy, I’m an inconvenience

Just to see me cry,

Complain excessively & threaten me with goodbyes

Oh I’m just like my father you have to understand

Does that mean he was a cruel man?

Is that your excuse to your awareness

As you drag us through the mud in clean shoes

Blame me for expecting to be loved

To receive what I give to you

Mentally I have been checked out of us

For longer than you may think

Killing the parts of me that’ll never resurrect

Since you leave me to the brink

The parts that love you,

Are the fragments that must die

It’s the parts of me I’ll never have back

And in darkness I will truly lie

Teaching me loneliness in the presence of you

Teaching me the freedom from your absence

Is this the end i have prayed many times for

Or is it a trap when you ask for forgiveness

The weights on my chest take me to your level

Drowning in the abyss of you

Suffocating, frightening, fighting, trying to stay for you

Why leave when hell’s street signs are so familiar to me

I keep picking you a million times

But it takes the parade to fade; for you to pick me

You have other worries that I know about

But I can’t be there for you

There’s no supporting you without me being vulnerable

And I know you, you’ll need me

And call me in to take a swipe

Then do everything you can to destroy all you see

Then chuckle and say “only you see the real me”