Hard Truths of a Hard Knock Life

The only truths I know are these:

I've always felt calm by the sea,

Anxious in busy city streets,

Inspired by the mountains,

And in awe of the trees.

My reflection disgusts me,

I don’t expect you to love me

You see right through me

With your gaze undo me

I'm sorry that I have

Nothing better to show,

Wish I bore the light

In lieu of being full of woe.

I've tried to hide it

From people before,

Then they grow tired

Of what I'm able to show.

I'm either too much or too little,

Never somewhere in the middle.

Stagnant or catastrophic,

Open book or a riddle,

I can't seem to find balance,

Can’t seem to find home,

I'm coming to terms with

The fact I'll be alone.

If I find peace in silence,

And the calm in nothing,

I might be able to live still

Feeling something.

I may be far away,

Maybe lost in the drift,

Someone once told me

Writing’s my gift.

As long as I have that

I might be alright,

If my fingers stop penning

My hands will be tied.

When that day comes

I'll disappear in the night

All I will leave is faint

Marks of my thoughts,

Maybe you'll wonder

If that’s what made me rot.