Growing Pains

Everybody grows up. Aging is inevitable, an unchangeable thing. There are different things that adulthood brings: bills, responsibility, work... children perhaps.

Who we are, the origins of our personality, are somewhat debated. Nature versus nurture. Nurture: your family surroundings. Nature: the area you grew up in. I had to move back home with my children. I'm noticing things, having a childhood relapse.

To the question of nature, I grew up in the suburbs. Our house has a big yard with trees. We even had a pool outside. Fishing trips, family cookouts and unlimited trips to Six Flags, all I could ride. To all the other kids, my life was great. They had no idea at all.

No curfew, almost every material thing I desired. Behind the scenes, I was mentally tormented. Words hurled at me, full of fire. "Why talk to me that way?" I asked in my head. Words against a wall.

Lots of people have a tough time as a kid, a sad truth indeed. Hurt physically, mentally or deprived of basic needs. At some point, the child reaches a fork, a choice must be made.

"Gotta decide which way to go, what path do I take?" Each side will provide a different outcome, determine what type of life you will make. Once a road is chosen and steps forward begin, the other path will fade.

"You are so stupid!" "I don't care if you cry." *shrugs*... just a few words to me from my mom, no "I love you", "I'm proud of you" or hugs. My first fork: personality. Change who I am? Stay soft and absorb the blows or be hard. Is such a change necessary?

I made the change. No more sweet and soft spoken, she died that day. I adjusted my spine to stand tall. No more cowering, no matter what she decided to say. Compartmentalize. I pushed all feelings deep down inside. Her words no longer affected me.

As I got older, things progressed, changed may be a better word. I started to give it right back, words of fire, full of venom without an ounce of emotion, very matter of fact. It felt good. I thought I'd won. Victory was mine!

I got pregnant and had a baby girl at age 21, my true mini me. This brought me to another fork, another choice to be made. Which path this time will it be? Treat her how my mother treated me or try a different approach, something new?

She'd be showered with hugs, kisses and love. I think I did well with no one to have learned from. Years later, daughter number 2, the three musketeers! We got along ok; life was cool for a few.

Life happens, my job was lost. Eviction next. What now? So much despair. My dad said, "stop crying, come home." I am always welcome there. Well, I was homeward bound.

I didn't think it'd be that bad. I'm time enough for mom now, maybe worse. Needn't worry about her, her shenanigans or words. A new issue arose. I didn't consider it. I was unprepared I'd found.

I'd changed to deal with my mom. She didn't bother me anymore, but my kids. They aren't accustomed to any of this. I must now defend them, speak up on their behalf. I didn't have this as a child.

Yelling, curse words hurled around. Not good for the children either. My "speaking up' made things worse, negatively multiplied. This must be rectified, reverse. Disengage. Leave her alone. She can't argue on her own. Peace of mind.... (to be continued)