Growing Into Who I Am

This challenge to explore a moment where I grappled with my concept of identity has taken me some time to figure out. I never really think about it in those terms. I thought I always knew who I was. I am Denise Estey Lindquist. I have had other last names, including my maiden name Estey.

Then, I know who my parents are and that I am an enrolled member of a Native American tribe in Minnesota. I know I am married and together we have seven children. I am a wife, mother, stepmother, grandmother and great-grandmother.

Finishing high school, college, and graduate school contributes to my identity. I have a drivers license to drive a car, truck, and motorcycle. I have a birth certificate, social security card, marriage license, and a passport.

My retirement has meant more freedom with less money. I have been an elder since age 55. I know stories I have heard growing up about family and ways to be. I am from the bear clan, and I have an Ojibwe name.

The values of the seven grandfathers and teachings of the medicine wheel I have known as a part of my identity as a Native American.

I am elder, hear me roar!

This is probably where I grappled with identity the most!

Recovery

Who am I, not apostolic,

I'm Denise, and I am an alcoholic?

Now, a woman in long-term recovery

As I made a discovery

It took a while to figure out

I did want to shout

I was but 26

And my girl was almost six

Am I a person with addiction?

Or is this just some fiction?

My mother whispered to a friend

don't bring that in here or our friendship will end.

Denise is trying to quit drinking.

My brothers came into a bar thinking

I was drinking and wanted to get me out.

It was a funny time, but it had the clout

needed to accept my powerlessness

to top it off, a high school friend was a mess

and shouted out, "I knew you would be here"

when I saw her coming into support.

No more vodka or port

for me

Recovery is what is to be

I found another part of my identity!