green

You said it was the color of

my eyes that pulled you in

met with yours and

you asked why I kept

them open when we kissed

but you must have too

It was beautiful and warm

You kept me from running into the street

kept me safe

Told me to say less

So I did

My mind was free

I let them pull you in

Lost myself

my mind

I want it this way

Where else do I put it?

It feels so good to give it away

Take me away

It isn't love

It isn't anything

It's fun

It's fake

It's an escape

It's the color of these plants

I can't take care of

of myself

Bathe in the poisonous sunshine

Catch its cancer

It's the healing that's harder

You can just let the cancer kill you

It's the same color of

my envy

my jealousy

ravenous rage

that pushed you away

Told me it was okay

but the pieces crumbled apart

Living a losing game

It's only good when it hurts

My risk

My lie for you

You love the lie too

We made it

It's an iridescent emerald

Lovely, lascivious liars

Until you took away my escape

Left me looking

Left me at the bottom

Peter without his Wendy

But I can play pretend forever baby

And it's my favorite color still

Full of contradictions

bursting with energy

vulnerable and strong

somehow still willing

to show itself off

to be intoxicating and intoxicated

Ivy spreading without remorse