Goodbye

He died at fourteen.

That statement alone sounds like a tragedy.

When I add that the aforementioned he is my dog, I am greeted with at least he had a good life.

But to me, the hurt of losing you feels like a tragedy as the loss of you shakes the dynamic of our household.

I even changed my narrative to others - we lost my oldest dog, he passed, but he was old...

Meanwhile, my heart aches trying to fill the new hole that was left, and my eyes burn as they brim with fresh tears.

Your loss will never seem like it didn't come too soon.

I knew one day I would have to face the truth that you weren't immortal. Yet, I was not ready to say goodbye. I was not ready to shatter my childlike thinking that you could live forever.

Every dream I had you were involved in. Everything that was planned for the future had your tail wags and paw prints throughout it.

Now it all feels empty.

I look towards the day that I smile back at your memory of all the years you blessed me with. All the laughs and frustration. All the tears you licked away.

But for now, the thought of you just reminds me that you aren't here.

For now, my mind still lets me forget that you left us. For that one second I call for you, look for you, before realization overcomes me and acceptance tries to wash over me that you are gone.

One day I hope when I think of you it won't be of watching you pass. Of watching the light leave your eyes. Of watching as your body shut down. Of watching as you suddenly took your last steps toward me, of watching as you said goodbye, giving your last tail wag before laying down and taking the forever nap.

I'm not mad at you. I know it was just your time. I'm grateful I was able to be with you to provide comfort in your last moments as you gave me throughout the years.

I just miss you.

You were there for so many big moments. The first dog we added to our family.

Thank you for showing me true love, for making me laugh when I wanted to scream, for making me want to be better, be healthier, build a life, and chase dreams to try and give you the absolute best. Thank you for coming into my life.

I'll carry on knowing you'll meet me in my dreams and look over us from above.

One day, we'll meet again, but for now...

it's goodbye.

Goodbye Charlie.

You are and will always be the bestest boy.