Good bye

Wishing on shooting stars fails you

It's like making a wish every time the clock strikes 11:11

And spending a lifetime for it to come true.

Suddenly you want to believe in stories you previously thought were stupid

You find yourself reading about reincarnations

Anything to fix your broken beyond heart

Because you weren't supposed to part

Not yet anyway.

You find it hard to look at people who share the same name

You find it hard to explain to people why you can't go to funerals

You can't explain why certain songs break your heart

You wish upon the moon following your car.

"Bring him back,

That's all I ask"

But that's just it, isn't it?

There's no coming back from where he went

Because he wasn't Jesus

Just an ordinary guy who took his own life

Leaving so many to mourn

And even though I've grown a lot since he left

Tints of sadness and anger hang over my head like a big black cloud

It's raining on the inside.

Somedays I'm fine,

He doesn't even cross my mind

But then there are days where the drop of a hat makes me cry

And the most random things take me back

To the bottom of the staircase

Leading up to the memorial

My hands begin to shake

As evidently as his mother's cries that day.

I want to go back in time and pick up the phone every time he called

I want to tell him not to leave

If for nothing else,

But for the mother who didn't cry at all up until to the point

Where that was all she could do

And for the grandfather who stood in front of a crowd

Thanking everyone who came

And for the brother who had to stay strong.

For the friends who didn't believe it was goodbye

Who kept hoping for a miracle

Who started praying in the God they didn't believe

Just for one last glance

For a way to properly say goodbye.