God I’m Shattered

I just want to leave this place ,

I’m tired of people dying and tears burning my cheeks as they run down my face.

I’m tired of begging for support ,

When I have a family big enough to have its own team for a sport .

I get a bit frustrated I want to lash out ,

I have my own life and I can barely handle everything dished out .

I’m told to not worry and to swallow my pride ,

But one day I’ll be told to give it back talk about people having a fake side .

No use to venting because I can’t seem to find someone to relate.

My dad is having a second round and I’m convinced dying is in his fate .

I’m tired going through so much alone after opening up to someone that I thought could care ,

Don’t you dare tell me to calm down ,

Because these aren’t your feelings to share.

Nor were you fucking there.

I get tired of the disparity and I’m not even claiming that,

I get tired of told everything will be okay ,

That’s clearly not a fact .

I need to get out scream, break something and cry ,

while some holds me.

Breakaway and yell to God why .

I try to keep my composure but my emotions are eating me alive ,

No relapsing is the solution but I’m tempted to take that dive .

I’m hopeful and I can’t control what I’m felling ,

The medicine doesn’t take away the physical events ,

What do doctors not under when I say I have unanswered healing?

Take your pity and leave me be,

I care so much about everyone but I’m always left feeling lonely .

I clean up my mess and tea h myself to cope,

My devotionals keep me closer to God and music gives me hope .

Lord I know you’re the creator of billions of people but can you please t keep a watch eye of my life underneath a microscope.

Take me down the paths you created for me before I even thought to take a step,

Lord give me a guardian angel I need grace and all your offering because I need help .