Give Me

Give me a reason why

I shouldn't blow up

My life again for

What I think of

As love.

Tell me it wasn't

All a dream, that week

That changed me

Fundamentally

(And keeps changing

and changing me).

I feel so lost,

Alone…

I read into

Every breath and

Silence,

I think you've grown

Bored of me

Because you didn't

Say anything for a few

Hours.

I'm probably blowing

Things out of proportion

(Like I ALWAYS do)

But I want so badly

For so many things.

I want to live with you,

I want to be a part

Of your family,

I want to see you

Every day,

Talk to you,

Know you better

Than I know

My own self,

But I know myself…

I would throw myself

Into you, lose the

Person I'm finally becoming

In favor of anything

You might want from me,

Ignore my own needs

And forget me entirely;

And when I come up for air,

See the damage I've done

I'll have to pick up the

Pieces and start over

Again from nothing.

I can't keep

Doing this to

Myself, attaching to

A person, falling madly

Into a place

Where I know no one

And nothing

And I end up alone

Again

And

Again

And

I

Am trying

To let go of old

Habits, to hold myself

Up first, trying

To be a person of

S u b s t a n c e

So maybe, just maybe

I can be someone

Worthwhile,

Not for someone else

But for me

Specifically…

but, oh God,

how

my

stupid

heart

wants.