From Elegance to Ashes!

The last flame is Elegant. Aesthetic. Lovely -

rising into its final phase -

graceful, flickering...haunting...burning with endings.

Exquisitely, it panders to its id - the dark, inaccessible parts -

primal - instinctual...wild. It seeks the fire of the soul -

Slowly, the embers begin to ignite, gathering momentum

a secret pleasurable dance of involuntary redefining.

The fire becomes a changed organism - unconscious

uncoordinated instinctual needs, impulses and desires.

It feels drunk within the power of its own self-centeredness,

charcoal cinders awakening something antediluvian - primal

The heart swells with new fire roaring upwards

It stokes its ego in dark secret recesses - in hidden centers

of primeval consciousness.

Ego becomes the integrative agent - concerned, desperate

it is mediation between the id's energies -

between demands of external reality, between

the moral and critical constraints of the superego.

I must become Freud's man on horseback...

the rider who harnesses the flame -

who directs the superior energy of his mount,

allowing satisfaction of the flame's urges.

The ego must act, transforming the id's will into action.

I feel the flames - they sear and scorch - so indifferently they burn...

ungodly in their cruel mercilessness.

This will be my last flame, my last memory of the who that I once was

This fire obliterates, cleanses - becoming my rebirth

from the ashes of a fiery baptism of inner fire

I embrace the turmoil of the inferno battling fervently

between the inner chambers of my new reawakened selves

Three interacting agents - the psychic apparatus of my existence

The id winning, the ego struggling and my superego -

that chambered psyche of internalised social rules and norms -

that unconsciously assimilates parental demands and prohibitions -

is definitively losing ground

The last ember now flickers out. I am become ashes...

My flames never to be reborn.

Only transformed...

Ends to beginnings.