Forgiveness

Been a moment, since I wrote dark room

I realize it was always used as a tool

I guess I was too scared to move on

It was a cushion but that's not cool

I see it is okay to slip back in

From time to time, I mean I guess that's healing

I always thought when I feel better, I won't fall back

Maybe that's why I never saw the progress right in front of my eye

I have spent so many lines and so many time with my pen

Unlike Daniel, I wrestled with these lions in my den

I always thought these traumas were my downfall

Well, they were but at rock bottom the only way is up

I am not one to open up about how I really feel

I rather write it and try to portray it cryptically

Trying to make everyone around me not worry about me

While I made their happiness my priority

Paradox how I also have a habit of shutting people out

Notepad on my phone knows more about me more than anyone around

All of the self-hate and disgust and wishing i could end it all

But I never could, was saved once by that phone call

It's taken my guts , to swallow my pride

To punch my ego fist in the eyes

To look my trauma deep in its eyes and see through his lies

To look at my life and see all the pretty sides

It's taken my strength to push through this self hate

If I can't love myself, how can i trust anyone to take this pain away?

I don't know if this is coming already late

But I love you

Your trauma didn't seal your fate

All these years of hurt and pain

All these years of trying to get your demons tamed

You know the one who can take it away

So just give in and let Him show you the way