Forgiveness

Forgiveness

“Forgiveness is the first step to healing.”

How am I supposed to forgive you?

You, with the dirty blonde hair, ruined my life

You made me change who I was

I was bubbly

I was outgoing

Now?

I feel timid, alone

I needed help and you were there, waiting to fix me

Instead, you made me into a broken record

Constantly repeating that I’m sorry

I thought you loved me when all you wanted was my body

You could care less about how I felt and you used me

Assaulted me

I was in no mindset to consent to you

Yet, you continued until I was ready to end it all

I couldn’t face my old friends

I couldn’t even face myself in the mirror

I hated the person I had become

It took my family years to finally be able to get me to smile

You broke me into a thousand tiny pieces

It was nearly impossible to glue them all back together

People tell me it wasn’t what I thought

But it was

You sexually assaulted me for eight months

And I was too naïve to leave

God, I should’ve left immediately

Now, I can’t show skin to anyone because of you

Not even to my boyfriend who loves me

Even after all these years he has dried my tears from memories

Memories that paralyze me

Memories that make me want to scream and cover my ears

Because all I hear is you telling me how sexy I was

And what you would do to a pretty body like mine.