Forgive My Doubt (Life With ADHD)

Like a forsaken puzzle piece,

I am lost in a world in which I do not fit‐

just too different...

and never allowed to forget it.

Like the look upon my face,

I am exhausted from receiving helping hands from people who I know can't

fix me...

as if any human can‐

they, and no one else, but me, are to blame.

I'd like to believe that I can be helped,

but hope has simply lost it's place.

No more, can I simply say, "it is what it is..."

I've stood, and sang, and sat through the same storm...

watching my interests walk away from me,

failing to make sense of anything...

and clinging to a "peace" that surpasses all understanding‐

the very same which I blame for the pieces of myself I exist in now‐

Forgive my doubt, please—

Tell me...

Is there anyone like me?...

I don't ask out of pride, but with the tears that fall with every night‐

I'm quite sick of being stuck,

I've never cared for, nor have I ever believed in luck, but...

Am I even permitted to be tired?...

Am I actually allowed to be burnt out?...

Will gratification ever come?...

Am I even allowed to ask such questions?...

Fatigue was never my choice, but...

never more, have I so desperately wanted to give up.

I can neither stand, nor sit with this thorn in my side...

Tell me‐

is it a shame?...

to ask my own creator, "why have you made me like this?..."

is it sin?...

to look to my maker, and turn my face from purpose?...

I discreetly ask for permission to make my most dangerous wish.

Forgive me doubt, please—

Apathy, was never my choice, but...

days without joy, I do try to ignore there count, and...

what is a truly ending temptation...

may in the end, truly consume me‐

and to that...

I cannot say, that it was not my own decision.