For Momma

I think about you Mom.

On days when everything is quiet

And I’m in this weird episode

Of my life

Center stage in this

Disastrous sitcom

My reality

But only in my dreams

Do I truly get to see your face

Reliving memories

Unanswered questions

Remembering you in my teenage years

Remembering my actions

My total disregard for my own life

Total disregard of your feelings

Your rule.

Not realizing you were the queen of this castle

Not the fire breathing dragon I made you out to be

Sweet cocoa skin

Beautiful sliver hair

Salt and pepper dancing at your roots

Wide eyes

All knowing to me

They knew everything

Years of experience

Struggle

Depression

Survival

But I didn’t

I never knew

I was blindfolded walking in quicksand

You tried to save me at every sign of danger

I was such a bad listener

The instant gratification of my youth

Poisoned me

My decisions

You.

And I am so sorry.

So so sorry.

Sorry that I couldn’t find the respect you so rightly deserved.

Sorry for not giving you your flowers while you were alive

Sorry I could not see the actual worth of your life slipping away from me

But now I know

And I am eternally grateful

I just can’t wait until

I see you on the other side