For ku'uipo

for ku'uipo

it has dawned on me that your name has remained for a while, a wintry bite against sun born skin

I don't know how to convince you, that in letting me go, you'll have more of a life for yourself.

it is lonely being with you.

there is a hollowed cavern within my soul, an aching emptiness which seeps deeper into a solitary sort of numbness.

it travels alongside me as a shadow I cannot shake.

creeping throughout veins like leeches, draining the life out of once lively spirits.

it would be easy if you or I had some sort of fault, It'd be easier to leave you.

but I am a coward. and yet, I hope that amends will be made and the bonds intended to thrive in our interlocking dreams would come to fruition.

I dread the sound of your name.

I die every moment I remember you.

I miss you when I think of what I thought I could be.

I disappoint myself and the lack of love I weild in order to soften your crystallized heart.

I awake from startling dreams which rob me of my sleep, I

have been lying awake late into the mornings.

I feel a soft sort of angry every time you apologize for not being able to reciprocate my affections.

the joy once blooming, has withered away to nothing.

i mourn the loss of my empty love.

i treat you as if you were made of fine China.

I sob in quiet spaces,

adore the misery which never leaves me, as

you did a few times before...

I entertain bitter thoughts of deserving a fiery fate, of suffering at my lack of character

lack of love, lack of kindness,

lack of anything that'd make me enough for you.

it is lonely loving you.