Fibromyalgia Warrior

I got to admit some days it just really sucks! To have to roll out of bed; spend all day in pain; force yourself to go to work for only a few bucks.

A life I never thought would have been stolen in the blink of an eye. Some days the pain is so bad it makes me cry.

Looking back at my childhood so vibrant, and alive. As I dance, dodged balls, and reached towards the sky.

The thoughts of volleyball, basketball, cart wheels, and swimming. Hiking and biking, laughing and swinging.

The older I got the more aches and pains. The doctors all stating, "Your too young... no pain no gain!"

So with back pain, and knee pain, and comments like "It's just growing pains." I pushed on and ignored it while running, and giggling.

As I got older I tried to disregard it. Until I slipped then fell and jacked up my back.

The days came and went when I lived with great pain. After a year and a half, it would leave and come back.

Four years had past when the pain came again; nevertheless, it was the exact same thing. But this time on steps and not on the ground.

I slipped and I fell with no one around. I could barely walk as the pain settled in. But the doctors all shrugged and were baffled within.

After diagnosed as Fibromyalgia, with no treatments to work. It was like an unexplained phenomena.

Several years had passed with no relief in site. It hurt me to tell my kids when I couldn't play with them at night.

To grow up without a father, and now what felt like no mother too. No tossing the football around any more after school.

No sledding, no b-ball, no raking the leaves. It was like my playful youthfulness was stolen by thieves.

Now over a decade had passed. I fell for a third time with a great crash. By now you would think I'd have that railing tight in my grasp.

As I've grown older with each new day, I find myself debilitated in many different ways.

The hardest adjustment to make in my life was asking others for help.

I was so strong, and independent. Never needed no one. And nowadays I can't even have fun.

Today it's the little simple things that others take for granted. Like doing laundry, grocery shopping, or walking through a lobbying.

I had to give up so much, even most of my hobbies. So I've had to be a little bit creative with my state of mind.

To fight off the anxiety and depression. It's been a lot more than a little life lesson.

Recently, I have tried some new things, while I have rediscovered some old.

"Having to know my limits" is what I've been told.

I remind myself I need to listen to my body, and not my brain. The pain signals need to win over what's been ingrained.

To fight, and fight, and never give up! To be tough, and pull through, no matter the cost.

I've had a hard time accepting this is a disability. As I look at myself as a failure and lack all positivity.

It's challenging for me to let go. Knowing this is something that is out of my control.

People say "Everything happens for a reason". But it's hard for me to live with this disease that hides within.

The fatigue, the mood swings, memory loss and widespread pain.

The stomach issues, vertigo, and other symptoms that go from head to toe.

Others can't see the daily struggles you face within. They just ask why you look so tired, don't smile, and can't fit it.

I can't help how I feel from one day to another. So why should I be forced to deal with others.

Their judgment, their looks, their lack of compassion. I'd rather walk in pain this ride a scooter and get laughed at.

To look like your thirty and feel like your ninety. I go to bed at night and ask the Almighty. That one day I may wake up pain free. So I sit here and wait, and hope one day it may be!