Fear of Abandonment

I am afraid of being abandoned.

I do not always say it that way.

I say I value consistency.

I say I need communication.

I say I prefer reassurance.

What I mean is that I am afraid you will leave.

This fear changes how I behave.

I monitor tone.

I replay conversations.

I notice delays in response.

If you sound distracted, I assume I have done something wrong.

I apologize quickly.

Sometimes before I understand what I am apologizing for.

When you pull back, even slightly,

I do not ask what you need.

I ask what I did.

I try to be easier to love.

Less emotional.

Less intense.

Less demanding.

I offer understanding before it is earned.

I lower expectations and call it maturity.

The truth is simpler.

I am afraid that if I require too much,

you will decide I am too much.

This fear does not look dramatic.

It looks responsible.

It looks calm.

It looks like self-control.

But it is a control built on anxiety.

I want to be chosen without adjusting myself first.

I want to believe that if I am fully present,

fully honest,

fully emotional,

you will stay.

I am afraid of being abandoned.

That is the concern.

And I am still learning how to live without arranging myself around the possibility of it.