father

I wish I could forgive my father.

speak to him in piano forte and soft resonance

remember him in calm cashmere knits

swirling steam from coffee

I wish I could stop chasing him in all the

plum dark nights that sting of aftershave.

Love like all the other girls my age

lilac cotton 70 degrees and sunny

Maybe one day I’ll stop running

in the dark with my eyes closed

shoes untied in the cold fast rain

past everyone I could’ve loved

I’ll start breathing through my nose again

stop beating my own heart against my ribcage

stop thinking I’ve survived so much that survival

shouldn’t hurt anymore.