Everyone Leaves

Best friends,

the one that shares your necklaces and secrets,

knowing they would never tell a soul...

Rhyming games, playing pretend

sidewalks chalk, backyard swings

first calls on snow days,

hours on the phone, staying up late,

silly voices, favorite songs,

summer swim buddy,

instant messaging and adolescents.

It doesn’t matter...

One day she had to leave.



Round two- new friend,

school projects, sleep overs,

make-up experiments, fashion failures,

matching Camry’s, rock music,

carpools and trench coats.

So close we were sisters,

so close we were blood;

until school dances made every girl competitors.

Boyfriends were scarce and systems of patriarchy,

forced us to prioritize our time;

boys got more than girls high school rules.

It doesn’t matter...

One day she had to leave



First boy.friend.

Met for lunch on weekends;

never cursed, always paid,

grandparents raised him that way.

He made me laugh,

until I was too happy to breathe;

he made me feel more than pretty,

even as a duckling.

My phone call after school,

scared of and respected my dad,

didn’t realize I hurt him so much.

Favorite movie was “Just Friends”,

classes will they won’t they”,

either way, it doesn’t matter...

One day he had to leave.



MorFar bounced me on his knee,

raspy old Swedish whispering,

“Lampte dagen”- he kept me awake.

Tractor rides, milking cows,

don’t forget to close the gate;

field sprinklers made for sunny rains.

Keebler cookies, AM bacon, pull ups at 88.

Always early, never late,

refused to walk with a cane;

worst he ever said was “Brat”,

that was to the mean farm cat.

My personal Mr. Rogers,

until he fell...

unsuccessful surgery made him slumber;

trues loves kiss couldn’t break his sleep,

it doesn’t matter...

One day he had to leave.



His daughter was just as good,

have you ever met a superhero?

Not the kind with capes,

but where their power is endless love,

for her kid or family,

or all the newborns from OB,

her students or professional colleagues,

Motown hits and Celine,

Thriller movies that made us scream,

ABBA classics, Irish stew:

there was not a thing she couldn’t do...

Until fractured bones,

revealed hidden kryptonite;

her love of life couldn’t survive,

watching her fight meant watching her die.

The picture of my first unborn,

the last thing she would ever see;

in the end does it matter?

One day she had to leave.



She left behind an ex-love,

the man that made and brought me up;

he taught me how to gut a fish,

that life was hard but never quit,

music was a reason to live,

others would kill for my seat,

gratitude didn’t need to be earned...

Something I need to remember more,

how to tell Dad jokes 101,

wear sunscreen, brush my teeth,

I was the prettiest in the world to him,

I had to take better care of my car,

it was ok to make mistakes,

he would love me anyway.

Taught me sadness could be masked,

with laughter and singing,

not to ever let them see me sweat;

that even hero’s could drown,

a blue Bombay bottle could look like home.

How power can shift from hero to Genie,

he granted each lying liquid wish,

taught me that there was escape;

love was greater than any magic.

It would be enough for him to stay,

until he couldn’t anymore...

He never got the spf he gave me-

Fuck Cancer!

He wanted to stay longer,

retire on a house boat:

in the end none of that mattered...

One day he had to leave.



But it was ok, I still had him,

high school sweetheart,

the wind and spill of my sails,

made me believe in fairytales;

helped me hold on to love at first sight,

my first discrete overnight.

Everyone said it was too good to be true,

but everyone left me before...

He was different this time,

I had to show everyone,

someone, just one, would stay;

I wasn’t defective or cursed,

I was just as worthy of love,

as the junior high bullies,

and the blonde girls they chased,

my former besties, the boys I used to date,

or the one that got away...

That someone would love me-

not ask me to change,

accepted my awkwardness and embraced my strange,

That knows me at my worst but still stays,

but he didn’t see it that way...

Prescriptions made him fall asleep,

he forgot the vows he promised to keep;

sleepless nights made me tired...

He wanted to grow old with me;

mine was the only face he could see,

our big house, the American dream,

none of it mattered...

One day he decided to leave.



So I’m sorry I can never stay,

avoid texts or get together dates.

I’m sorry I never reached out instead,

trapped with the thoughts inside my head...

They don’t want to hear it,

they’re over you too, tired of drama

they just feel sorry for you.

I need a replacement family...

I’m defective so I’m missing that part,

why haven’t I been recalled already?

If only me was ever enough,

but I’m defective...

imagination and make believe,

doesn’t work like when I was a kid;

when I created make believe,

the tooth fairy and Santa still concrete,

before love was abstract to me...

What a wonderful idea,

but not something I can ever touch or see.

It doesn’t matter what I achieve,

goals I conquer, heights I reach,

an unknown day when I still have dreams,

I’ll have no choice...

One day I’ll have to leave.