Escape: A Poem About How My Depression Felt

I glance from my phone

people on the move

I head for the doors

getting into position to

shave seconds from the commute

.

I emerge from the depths

to bright morning light

the City has come to life

after a sleepy weekend

but I barely notice

.

I'm reliving yesterday's conversation

I talked too much

didn't listen

didn't say what I should have said

what a terrible friend

.

the big meeting ahead

imagine how it plays out

haven't prepared enough

don't know what I'm doing

don't belong; I'll be found out

.

I'm back in the distant past

picking the bones of things

I can no longer change

opportunities missed

can't let them go

.

this is my groundhog day

each day the same

attacking myself

from past, present and future

tears welling, but staying hidden

.

the office beckons

another working day

I don't want to go in

does anyone know how I'm feeling?

I'm tired of pretending

.

I press on in a trance

weaving past commuters

and tourists

my plan forming

today I escape

.

back on the tube

heart racing

I'm at the airport

ticket in hand

ready to go

.

what am I doing?

this is crazy

as the London skyline fades

my spirits soar

I'm leaving it all behind

.

nobody knows me here

an open road of possibilities

I feel free

but then a voice pulls me back

"Morning Andy, how was your weekend?"