encapsulating grief

Grief is all around me!

It sure is suffocating.

It’s in the changing leaves of the trees,

It’s in this damn air that I breathe.

It’s in your favorite convenience store candy, we used to stuff in your Christmas stocking.

The couple next to me speaks of your favorite football team.

“Who’s playing tonight?”

“I think it’s the chiefs.”

It seems with every step that I take, grief seeps up through the ground and within my body; it circulates.

After two months the grief has become part of me.

I lay in the backyard, counting the stars in the sky.

Listening to the solemn song of grief the wind delivers on by.

Soon enough,

6 months arrive,

I remember we lit sparklers in the backyard, as I watched fireworks explode in the sky.

A major lesson that I learned, is to not ignore grief.

Because when you refuse to acknowledge it, at your door it’ll come knocking.

I made a grave mistake.

I tried to suppress grief.

Cunningly, he showed up in my dreams.

In my dream, I am eight again.

As I lay upon your chest, feeling the familiar sense of your skin.

I remember matching my breathing to yours.

I woke up with a start, as rain outside poured.

Tears streaming down my face.

Three sudden knocks at my door.

Eventually, one year will go by.

Things are looking up.

You will think you are just fine.

Everywhere I look is a reminder of you.

A reminder- grief is a mere two steps behind.

I’ll have a picnic at your grave and catch you up on the things you have missed.

I'll remind myself it’s okay to be okay.

I can be okay and not forget.