Empty

You say you don't feel like having sex because you feel empty inside.

I refrain from saying "me too" because everything is not about me.

~

So I don't tell you that I want you inside of me because my body has felt hollow for far too long.

~

I swallow back the urge to tell you that I want your body against mine because then I'll be warm,

instead of experiencing the cold dread that has coursed through my veins recently.

~

I don't say that I want to climax because I feel like I've been flatlining for months.

~

I don't tell you any of this.

~

Instead I say "okay" and offer to sleep on the couch

so our bodies don't accidentally touch in the night.

And so you won't be disturbed by the sounds of fake moans coming from my phone

as I attempt to pleasure myself before the drowsiness and guilt kick in.

~

And so you don't have to feel bad for the tears I cry afterwards when I'm rocking myself to sleep

And fighting the demon of rejection that has made its home in my chest

And in our bed.

~

I don't tell you any of this because I never want to be the reason why you feel empty.

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