downtown loft

the break-up was camouflaged

sneaking around

waiting in the shadows of our contentment

our beautiful little life that we built

collecting every fight that we had

every time he didn’t come home

or every time i overreacted

cataloging every detail

dousing it in kerosene

waiting to light the match

it wasn’t explosive, though

one night we had a conversation

by our window in our loft downtown

and that was it

it was a beautiful night

the spring air was coming in through the window

and i wanted to believe that

like the flowers along the sidewalk below

we would re-bloom too

he came home after i did

and asked if we wanted a meal

as he did most nights

but neither or us were hungry

you see

we were fighting - or, rather,

purposely not fighting -

all week

and we weren’t coming to an agreement

and what were conversations about our future together

turned into conversations about our futures apart

finally on the beautiful spring night

with the breeze blowing through the window

- the big, beautiful window

in our loft downtown -

we held each other together

while our hearts shattered

he cried

i could not - not then

and i wish i could say

that all of our love went out the window

with the spring breeze

but it did not

i wish it had

we walked to where we had our first date

three years ago

and the same line that separated the two states

was the same line that separated

our past and future

we sat there, shivering now

because that same beautiful spring breeze

that surrounded us while coming through the big beautiful window

in our loft downtown

now suffocated us, freezing us

and i wonder sometimes

if that was a sign telling us

to stay where we were

holding us in place

begging us to just

wait

but we didn’t hear that

we couldn’t feel that

over our shivering

a month later

i moved out

of the beautiful loft downtown

and that was the day i cried

04.02.2019