Don’t Try Me

One day you’re married. To a guy you’ve been with almost 29 years. And then the next day, you’re single. A numb, dumbstruck widow. A widow is defined by Merriam-Webster as “ a woman whose spouse or partner has died and usually has not remarried”. Some women are relieved to become widows, and perhaps even happy about it.

There are so many loveless marriages out there, for many different reasons. People just quit trying, they forget their vows and just become lazy. Or worse, they fall into the arms of another, seemingly forgetting that they vowed to stay together “ til death do us apart.” And while they’re laying in bed with their backs to each other, wide awake yet not talking , a broken heart is somewhere, wishing they had just one more day with the person that they married that died. Or even just strayed away. What a waste!

Now, if regular men wrote the dictionary, the definition of “ widow” would say “ a woman desperate for love and contact, be her Prince Charming and get in the gate”it is a misnomer that widows come without baggage like divorced women, that the difference is that we weren’t left because of our deficits or inability to make a marriage survive. We are real people, some of us starved for touch that we took for granted but that we never thought would mean so much. But not every woman is looking for a pool boy of sorts. Some are looking for a kind and gentle soul who is more interested in sharing her space and drinking her in as a feeling, and not a pleasure. He who wants to know what makes her tick, what makes her different from the masses. Where her confidence comes from, where did she come from? He, who is captivated by her very spirit, breathes her in without wanting to violate her soul. Who is content to wrap his arms around her and feel the tension slither away, his own soul restored to peace and completeness because of her touch. She yearns for this kindred spirit, the one from a different dimension, who feels out of place in this rotting world. He who loves her very innermost being, without insisting on carnal knowledge. He who knows she is like no other, to breathe her in is to feel an almost-heavenly exhale of peace and indescribable love, one not possible of this earth. This one exists. She knows it..She needs no advertising. The line forms, those looking for the novelty of being in her vulnerableness, not knowing that she can see their hearts already and knows their worldly desires. That there is nothing they can offer , or give, that will impress her.

Her mind says “ move on” , dragging her heart, kicking and screaming, back to reality. The life of a single woman. A stubbornly independent woman.A stubbornly independent woman who isn’t willing to be a notch on anything Who just happens to be a widow.

It all starts with “one day you’re married.”