do you doubt me traitor

betrayal, bitter on the tongue,

stings me like a bee

my mind pounds with truth;

my heart aches with pleas

as exhilaration beams

under seams of hurt

and pain, and disbelief

tell me why you did it

make me understand

show me what i am

friend, force me to see

-

tell me what you so detested

of me; was it greed? was it a word

i spoke too loud, was it a sign

i did not catch, was it a smile

unreturned?

was it a past so unredeemed?

was it a mistake to be me?

-

i wish i would have known

how much you hated me

every time you looked at me

for all those years

i thought you loved me

tell me what you saw—

tell me what you see

looking at me now

is this the face of a monster,

of a beast?

my heart is broken

and my face is shattered,

fractured from you

my trust, once on my sleeve,

has slipped away; i grieve

the loss of someone

who never cared, someone

who had to leave

-

i’ll pull myself away

erase myself from the narrative

of you and me

for it never was

and never again will be

-

The title is based on Lingua Ignota’s striking song by the same name; please give it a listen! I mention it in this piece:

Also, would you believe this poem was inspired by season 1 of Better Call Saul? Because it’s true.

Thanks for reading! ♥️