Do I Sound Happy?

I try my hardest to be pleasant and yet earnest.

Be open but not too open.

To be good at conversation but not try to steal the show.

Be quiet and listen but not awkward in my silence.

Try hard, but not TOO hard to be likeable.

It never comes out right.

There’s always something I didn’t do. An expectation I didn’t meet.

I never should have admitted I was lonely in the first place…show your rough edges woman, but not in a way that is depressing!

With every new conversation, and my constant self-monitoring, I can only think one thing...

Do I sound happy?

I don’t actually need to BE happy, just sound.

Even if the world is falling apart, that’s okay.

Just pretend. Be happy. Always happy.

And maybe one day someone will want to stick around to see the ugly, and much more real, parts of me.

How can I ever be a whole person if I’m always trying to achieve the perfect reflection of another’s expectation?