Discovery in Recovery

An Alphas Regret

I am not so great. I have my limits. My temper. It had been quite some time since my last lash out, but here it comes again, fierce yet with a pull. If you decided to stress yourself out of the good of the team. It's your responsibility to deal with the repercussions of such leadership. If you're going to do so then lash out at those you sacrificed yourself for, then it's best not to lead. You are still to be led. Wisdom comes to those who endure the jabs of patients. Not to the pedantic power hoarder.

A Man Amongst Boys

I use to get mad when I'd cry. Now I cry when I'm mad. I teach with actions. When before, I'd order around and scold. I was the type of guy that would find an easy position and sit still. Now I can't stop worrying about everyones job. I use to want to prove my point. Now everyone's right. I use to get drunk to forget. Now I drink to remember. I use to hurt my enemy even after they were down. Now I draw my line in the sand and leave the clown its circus. I use to be a boy, as of now I am a man.

The In Between

I've come to realize there's a lot to detest when you begin to discover peoples motives and agendas. I've also found a universal tool that disarms pride and keeps you in a constant state of serenity no matter how grotesque an angle may be. Acceptance has a way of warming the coldest of hearts and making you seemingly untouchable to hatred. When someones throwing a fit, if you take the middle ground and neither reject or welcome their point of view they seem to clear you out of their scope. Tread lightly though. For humans have a tendency to lean towards the extremes to either side of the pendulum. Accept all views since they're all valid. If you can fathom it, it must be real. At least it's real to the individual. Indulge the individual, you might learn something. Or find yourself teaching. Building from here, you are a master.

Square One

I thought I wasn't feeling like myself lately, then I took a closer look. I realized I hadn't been myself and that feeling was just me going back to square one. A time when habits hadn't found me yet. An age of consistency, an era of bliss lacking heart ache. When I'd smile at boredom and see opportunity. Then it hit me like discomfort when awakening. Now the things I've thought I needed are again greeted with disdain. Still the comfort of the usual haunts my every day. Yet the cuffs have loosened their grip and the rust grows within the mechanism. I accept I am still bound but most importantly I'm also aware that it is temporary. As is my innocents, my distortion will soon be a memory. As my foggy notions clear at day break. The darkness will subside and uninterrupted daylight will be in its stead and I will enjoy the midnight sun all Alaskan summer without a bummer.

Bare Witness

As the devil lingers I fail to capitalize his first letter with purpose. I am well aware of her presence and much more keen to his angle. Her attempts when before were so diligent, now stand isolated and populations prefer truth. I'd chase his entity, I preferred facing her then fleeing, while now I stand on higher ground watching over the fool he has become on torpid creed. I smirk at her failed attempts to conjure up an ancient Sergio and he's left with an empty clip and untouched target. The demon that lingers holds a mighty grasp for its always been latched to me. Refusing to move on, I lead her astray pretending my departure while keeping an eye peeled for its chill approach. Vague and vacant are its attempts. I play the game without forgetting I'm logged in. I maintain awareness. Such a circus is exhausted at its foundation and the castle walls tarnish at rainfall. I fall out of the dream.

You Can't Fix Things That Don't Know They're Broken

As the plane plateaus the final stretch home lingers in ominous detest. I cross back a harder man much wiser in sin. My story grows gruesome and my tales become easier to choke on. I am not lost any longer. There is no more soul searching to excuse me and no lack of path. This is what we pray for as adolescents and what we regret if not found as young adults. When the tunnel lights come on and the exits are natural and drift open. The sun does not rise here for it never sets and roosters mourn the constant break of day in search of new religion.