Disappearing From His Grip

Begin by apologizing for what you haven't done.

-

Apologize for all the noise.

You shouldn't have laughed so loud,

or had the audacity to breathe,

I'm sorry I couldn't keep my fearful, pounding heart quiet.

-

Don't forget to make yourself small.

If he raises his voice, you should fit into the ring box that you're not worthy of,

and when he lifts his fist, you might be small enough to miss.

I'm sorry I made you hurt me.

-

Stop giving him reasons to be upset.

Stop wearing red lipstick,

or make up at all.

Stop singing.

I'm sorry I spoke first, before you asked me to.

-

Make yourself amenable.

Say "You're right"

when he takes the time to lie to you.

Say "I deserved it"

when he forgets your name, but salivates for another woman's curves.

I'm sorry you don't find me attractive anymore.

-

Become still enough to not draw attention.

Become obedient enough to avoid suspicion.

Become quiet enough that you cease to exist.

I'm sorry you had a bad day.

-

When he slams the door, don't flinch.

When he kisses you goodnight, don't sleep.

When he touches you, don't move.

I'm sorry that I can't be perfect.

-

One day, when he asks you where you went

you will say

"I never left, my love."

Because it's the truth.

You didn't leave.

You were erased.