Desire

I hear my pulsing through the pillow.

I’m aware of my breathing.

I feel my skin’s reaction to the blanket’s warmth.

I capture my desire’s murmurs in my body.

The quietness of my bedroom and my awakened inner radar make everything perceived.

The constructing workers of my head are called to action.

The firmament replaces the ceiling.

The soil takes the place of my floor.

Plants germinate around me.

I see a lake where my mirror used to be.

My bed becomes invisible,

and my body is 24 centimeters above the ground.

A room transformed into natural surroundings.

In the center: me, refusing to sleep. A kind of voluntary insomnia.

You monopolize my thoughts.

But, I’m not my thoughts. I can get out of them and stand aside, watching, groping them with the fingertips of my objective “part”.

Deep dive-ins

into the ocean of my subconscious,

with my willpower as an oxygen tank.

Pieces of my personality put under my microscope.

Hard and inconvenient conclusions

transmuted into redemption

through the transformative straightforwardness of responsibility.

Awareness followed by an action plan, inner tools enrolled into service again.

Our coordination remains fundamental,

offering me nothing but blessings.

No possession needed.

No physical presence necessary.

It’s not easy. It’s NOT easy.

But, our intellectual interconnection is powerful.

Noesis leads, and it’s not disconnected from the Heart.

Volition can defeat desire.

I open my eyes, and I — once more — know

that loneliness experienced by choice and not by fear,

is a context worth living in — for as long as needed — ,

if you consciously work for inner autonomy.

And, my purpose when it comes to desire, isn’t to compress it ——how fake autonomy would that be! — , but to be independent of it, to not be blinded by it, to let it be on the vehicle but not holding the steering wheel.

***

Anthi Psomiadou — CC BY-NC-ND 4.0 International : Credit must be given to the creator/ Only noncommercial uses of the work are permitted/ No derivatives