Depression, loss, endless pain

"Life becomes honey" everyone can understand. "Life becomes painful" no one seems to describe it like that. But, I described it, because I really felt the pain, and it hurt.

In my ideology, it's okay to have a poor family, because we have strength and money can be earned slowly. However, the home cannot be broken. Being broken means that one person will have no home. People have no homes, and their hearts are so bitter and desolate.

I never thought that I would face a broken home. From marriage to the present, I have worked so hard for more than 20 years, and my family is gone. Watching him go away from me day by day, and decisively, go farther and farther. I am very miserable. In order to have a home, I am as low as dust. I don't need dignity like a beggar, begging for my love. In order to have a complete home, I begged all the way like a madman, from summer to autumn and then to winter. However, the winter was almost over, and I did not beg to come back.

Maybe this is fate, he can only accompany me on this road.

Just now at my sister's place, she sighed for me, why can't she continue? How many people are better than him and have not divorced, how many people are inferior to you, and they all have a good life, and they did not say divorce. When he was about to divorce, her eyes were moist when thinking of my loneliness and helplessness in the future.

I said, "You only thought about the seriousness of the matter. I was already sad and hesitated. I was desperate to stay and stay. Seeing him getting further and further away from me, I could only watch him go, There is no alternative, it is irreversible. I am wrapped in sadness every day." Looking at my sister, I smiled bitterly: "Fortunately, I can carry it over."

The elder sister said blankly: "I thought he would come back in a while, I thought he would not come to this point. No one can do it. The relationship of more than 20 years, get along with each other day and night, and be fine, how can I say Just leave? I walk so resolutely that I can't do it." My sister shook her head, feeling sorry for me.

"Life turns into pain" What kind of pain can I think of this sentence, "Life turns into pain" I looked disappointed at the people coming and going on the street, they were both right, what about me? I don’t even think about it, but I ran away from my husband. Looking at the world, the world seems to have lost its color. The sky is cold, and my heart is colder than the sky. The pain seems to have life, and there is no interruption.

In the days when he was gone, I thought about him every minute and every second, thinking about him, he just won't come back. The most difficult thing is that every evening, whether someone else’s husband goes to work or has trouble outside, they all go home. My husband is hiding from me day by day. I have long been accustomed to having him in the day, eating and sleeping with him, and having him in all aspects of life. Suddenly he will disappear from my world. He wants me to eat alone, sleep on the bed alone, and face the empty house alone. , The life of a person, this is so sad, I really can't accept it. For many days, I haven't had a good night's sleep, and my head fell on the pillow, thinking about him over and over again, all about him.

What is the purpose of getting married? How many years of hard work, and how many years of hard work and why? Did he leave me when he was in place, just to live alone for the rest of his life? After a lifetime of hard work, I finally lost my home. What is the purpose of getting married? I can't find the answer myself, because I don't have the answer anymore.

In the past few months, I have been thinking about my marriage the most, but I don’t know how to say it. Is it a destiny? Is this my fate? I'm old and old, my home is gone, my husband is gone.·······

This desolation makes my body tremble. At this moment, I thought of Shi Tiesheng. In the best years of his life, his legs were suddenly paraplegic. He couldn't accept it. He hid in the altar every day, blaming fate and escaping from reality. I suddenly felt his period of suffering. The pain inside, maybe, people can't escape the arrangement of fate.

I’ve read this article by Shi Tiesheng in "I and the Temple of Earth" many times. At that time, I only thought of the misfortunes of his life and how bitter his mother was. I admired him for being able to stand up from the trough of life and found the best in life. The way out is to admire his talent and envy his writing so well. And at this moment, I thought wrongly, thinking of the depression and loss of his days. Now I seem to feel his pain, loss, and desolation, because his sky has collapsed, because he can no longer go back to the time when he was alive and dancing, singing and dancing. Everything that is good no longer belongs to him. This pain is beyond description in words. Even though he had climbed out of the trough of life, that period of time was difficult and he wanted to die.

Shi Tiesheng lost both legs, I lost my husband, and the same sky collapsed. The rest of my life was lost, and there was nowhere to plan. Now I have fallen to the bottom of my life. If I can't climb out, I will be lonely and helpless for the rest of my life. My life is so painful, I don't know when it will change, or when my spring will come.

He left and left me behind, I don't know, my destiny turned out to be like this...depression, loss, endless pain.