Dating Her While She’s Still Screwing Him: A Survival Guide

That’s the question. It came from a 35-year-old guy who sounds like he’s been through enough ghostings, curveballs, and post-date gut rearrangements to start a memoir. Here’s his rant, distilled and caffeinated:

“I’m tired, man. Every woman I meet either has a situationship, a ‘friend with benefits,’ or some dude she’s still ‘figuring things out’ with. Meanwhile, I’m texting her good morning like a simp, while she’s getting her back blown out by some other guy who doesn’t even pay for dinner. Then I’m expected to show up with flowers, delete my roster, prove my worth, and play knight in shining armor… while she’s still juggling d**ks like she’s auditioning for Cirque du Soleil. I’m not even mad at the sex, I’m mad at the hypocrisy. They call us dogs, accuse us of using women for sex, but they’re the ones with more notches and better PR. I’ve had women ask me to delete my contacts, then ghost me a week later, and keep their own rotation going like nothing happened. What the hell are we supposed to do with that?

And here’s the funny thing — he doesn’t play that game. He cuts things off clean, does his self-care ritual, gets tested like a responsible adult, and only reaches out to women he actually wants to date. No games. No harem. Just a guy trying to find something real in a world that treats “real” like a punchline.

Yeah. Welcome to modern dating — where you pay for the dinner and someone else rearranges her guts after dessert.

This guy’s experience? It’s not rare. It’s not bad luck. It’s the symptom of the deregulated sexual marketplace, where everyone’s got too many options and no one’s willing to just pick a lane and drive straight. He’s not being a prude. He’s not angry because she’s had sex. He’s angry because she lies about it. Because society tells him he’s the bad guy for wanting sex, while she’s out here playing musical dicks with zero judgment — and then expects him to be Prince Charming and pay for dinner.

Here’s the reality: There are no single women. Just women between two men. One she’s tired of, and one she hasn’t met yet. And you? You’re somewhere in the queue, applying for a position that might already be filled by a guy with zero emotional availability and a six-pack. Most women — especially the ones with looks, charm, and half a following on social media — have a “roster.” If she tells you she’s only seeing you, there’s a good chance she’s also seeing Chad, Dave, and maybe her ex on slow Tuesdays.

Modern dating isn’t monogamy with a warm-up lap — it’s a casting call for a part in her life’s soap opera, and every dude is reading the same lines. And while you’re over here being consistent, thoughtful, and considerate, she’s out here living like it’s a sexual buffet. Swipe, match, repeat.

The big lie? When they say, “I only date one guy at a time.” Watch their actions. Saturday night? “Oh, I’m busy.” But then her story shows two glasses of wine and a man’s hand with a Rolex that isn’t yours. Translation: She’s not busy — she’s occupied.

Even the so-called “good girls” have a back-burner guy. Women aren’t angels — they’re just better at hiding the horns.

So, what’s the strategy for guys?

You stop playing checkers in a chess game.

Spin your own plates — If she’s not exclusive, neither are you. Don’t invest in a maybe. Have your own options. Build abundance. When she knows you’re not sitting around waiting on her text like a puppy, the power dynamic shifts.

Vet for actions, not words — Don’t listen to what she says. Watch what she does. If she says she’s serious but disappears for a day and resurfaces with “Sorry, I was tired,” just know she wasn’t tired — she was getting cardio in someone else’s sheets.

Set the frame early — Let her know you’re not interested in playing emotional janitor while she explores her options. You want clarity, consistency, and respect. If she can’t give you that, she’s not wife material — she’s just a temporary distraction.

Withdraw investment if she doesn’t match your energy — Stop overextending for a woman who wouldn’t even send you a “hope you got home safe” text. Reciprocity or GTFO.

Protect your time and resources — Your attention is currency. Don’t spend it like a drunken sailor. If she doesn’t bring peace, value, or effort to your life, cut her off like a Netflix subscription after a breakup.

Detach from outcome — She stays, she goes — doesn’t matter. You win either way because you’re focused on you. Purpose first, women second. And the irony? That’s when they chase.

This isn’t bitterness. It’s adaptation. You’re not the only one tired of the games — just don’t be the only one still playing by the old rules. Cheers…

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