Dangerous Wishes IX
I know how dangerous my wishes are, you don't need to tell me... -not once, not twice.
"I should be much more careful with what I desire..."
I say as my eyes scroll down the list of my most Dangerous Wishes,
my mouth reciting, on after another‐
Why do I bother with these meaningless wants?...
Why do I bother with anything at all?...
Forgive my speech...
as it is from the overflow of a black heart, these words are released‐
the discontent I express here might just burn through this page and all that lay beneath,
through my desk and the ground at my feet...
But, shall I quit writing?...
after all...
What's one more voice to never be heard from again?
"I should be much more careful with what I seek after..."
I say as my mind halts on a picture of my life free from this suffering...
from everything...
my hands held back from painting such a fantasy,
and my body restricted from pursuing such a reality‐
Am I being tested?
I might just let myself fall into such a temptation to run from my sorrow...
from everything...
or rather, jump‐
off of this train of thought and straight into the action step that follows,
off the deep end of the wish that sits at the bottom of this list,
from the teetering ledge that depends on whether or not there is an end to this anguish,
out of this hellish weather, and follow the coin down into the wishing well...
"I should me much more careful with what wishes I toss into that well..."
I might actually escape this hell...
in such a manner that would leave one behind in my absence‐
Why do I even write these?
Why do I always get so hung up on what will never come to be?
Whether it be the first or the last one this list...
whether it be with this breath or my next
these Dangerous Wishes of mine might just be the death of me‐
What's written at the bottom of this list...
would bring to an end, a lot more than this page and the ink that drips from it
and that has proven to be the case for any and all of the desires in this particular collection‐
To all who say...
"I should me much more careful with what I wish for..."
"God might just give you what you're asking for..."
Just know that I've prayed to be taken from all of this...
from all, of everything...
and yet here I am...
still praying...
presenting to Him all of the same desires,
making all of the same, Dangerous Wishes.
About the Creator
Josh Morgan
Personally, writing began as a creative outlet, to be a means of processing and venting emotion, but it has become so much more. Something I want not to be just relatable, enjoyable and a good read, but to reach someone who is in need.
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Day 4 of Quitting
If this is how sobriety feels, maybe it’s better to go through life a little buzzed… this, along with other hits like, I want to kill myself, I wish I was dead, and I’m going to throw myself off a bridge have been the only thoughts on rotation these past few days. I promise myself that if, in a month, I still feel like this (‘this’ meaning despondent, full of rage, and simultaneously numb) I can go back to smoking. Until mid-February though? Nicotine is off the table.
By sleepy drafts5 days ago in Longevity
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